It’s the 50 year anniversary of the military coup that devastated the lives of so many Chileans- my family included. The years of torture, pain, censorship, murder, and oppression under a brutal dictatorship that lasted decades, still burns in the minds, souls and bodies of generations that survived. I wasn’t born until the regime was well under way, but I felt it’s impact; it steered the course of how my life began and the path it took. It set the foundations, shaping and moulding me and the way I thought and behaved. Some of that behaviour and thought pattern is still prevalent in me but I embrace that in a positive way.
When I was younger, I would fantasise about what I would say and do if I ever met face to face with the dictator Pinochet. It’s very different to how I feel about it all now. Part of that has a lot to do with maturing, life experiences and personal growth. Back then, my fantasy was full of hatred, anger and violence. Now it’s full of compassion, empathy, and forgiveness. Out of all the shit that happened to my family and my childhood, the poverty, the generational trauma, and the psychological impacts, I find myself to be remarkable grateful. I’ve had a life of safety, freedom, a good education, choice and opportunity, friendships, always a roof over my head, money in the bank, food in my cupboards and clothes on my back. My children are healthy and can grow up in a society relatively safe and with the same freedoms and opportunities I enjoyed. There is freedom of speech (to an extent…I’m becoming increasingly concerned about how society has become more intolerant of free speech while in the process of fighting for all inclusivity but that’s another blog). It’s true, roses thrive better with manure.
The change that happened in me was gradual and went hand in hand as my circle of life experiences expanded. I’ve slowly been arriving to the same conclusion; that, over the course of our lifetime, the Universe continually hands us the same (or very close to the same) experiences especially when the same lesson(s) need to be learned, lessons that I believe are necessary and in fact integral to our evolvement as human beings. I can honestly say that this is true for me and happens to revolve around certain types of friendship choices – I tend to attract a particular type of personality, one that tends to come again and again, starts the same and ends pretty much the same. Over time, I have recognised the pattern and usually too late, except for this time. This time I decided to pay a little more attention to my instinct, sit back a little and think about what was evolving and what I was wanting. There’s a bit more to it of course but, in a nutshell, when the shit hit the fan (which of course it was going to do) I noted that my general outward response was different. This time I was mostly cool, tactful and boundaried. Yet, my inner reaction was the same; I was seething, angry, indignant, and not only did I not like it but, I realised that this, this, was the most important bit that needed to change. It was bad energy, not good and not helpful to me and if I didn’t change this inner response within me, then I’d get a re-run courtesy of the Universe. I don’t want a re-run thanks.
So, here’s how I see it and what I think is the necessary change:
We all have energies, personal energies that interact with the world and people around. I think of it as a circle around us. When our energy circle touches another’s, it creates a connection, an opportunity to amplify that energy. When we are in a loving and positive state and we meet another like-minded soul, it’s incredible. It sparks and fizzes, there is happiness, abundance, healing, a soulful connection if you will. Like when you share a moment with someone who you are completely in synch with, on every level. However, when negative energy meets negative energy, so if within you there is any inner negative feeling eg anger/disgust/malevolence/hatred, punishment and you meets it’s match within someone else, then all that is amplified is wrath and violence. That kind of energy spreads out, hitting everything within reach, like a dark cloud that withers everything it touches. It’s harmful but, more importantly, the opportunity for change is lost. It’s just 2 angry laden circles of bad juju clashing and fighting, snarling and biting, getting bigger and more bitter……unless one of you changes and decides to meet it with love. The term ‘to kill someone with kindness’ springs to mind here.
It’s not easy to do, especially when we feel wronged/betrayed/hurt/ unheard etc. It takes time and effort and a purity of heart and spirit- well intentioned compassion and love and I mean doing it not because you want something out of this, but because the world needs it. There is enough of this negative charge, that gets bounced between people, amplifying and hurting humanity, already existing in the world: wars, riots, violence, famine, greed, abuse, crime, human trafficking, racism, terrorism, homophobia etc etc..
The rub is that we may try to do all we can to meet the world with grace, forgiveness, compassion, love and empathy and never live long enough to see the change. But, I would rather strive to live the rest of my life doing my best to offer opportunities for change and never know the outcome than add to the misery of the world and deny it the possibilities for peace and solidarity.
Salix Counselling 